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The dilemma I am a man in my late 50s.

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I am youthful and go to concerts, festivals and art exhibitions. I have been married for 34 years. My wife and I get along quite well.

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We share a sense of humour, talk often and holiday together. But there has been no sex between us for 15 years. I have always been a sensitive and feminine man.

I like being surrounded by women and feel uncomfortable among men. I am almost always alone when I am not with my wife. I have no friends any more. I closed all my social media accounts years ago during a period of depression.

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I am confused about who I am. In which direction should I go? What about my marriage situation?

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I know I am getting older day by day and that time is running out. Everything you are describing sounds like an alternative way of living is not just beckoning but building to a reality that you need to explore for your own peace of mind.

Encouraging you to take radical action is easy for me in my entirely unremarkable, safe, heterosexual, white, middle-class world. Any radical lifestyle change requires courage to embrace, but happily you are at the perfect time of life for seismic shifts.

It sounds as though your partner is the one person who remains close to you, so trying jy enlist her support and understanding is the obvious first move. She may well be your saviour in terms of urging you to find yourself.

Empathetic support would take quite a strong person and a robust relationship, so you need to be prepared for the opposite reaction. In your situation, however, I think it could be of great benefit.

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It would also be good to see a therapist or counsellor who can give you dispassionate support while you negotiate what may turn out to be fiffe huge and liberating life change! If you have a dilemma, send a brief email to mariella.

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